1 step forward, 2 steps back

Well, I thought I was getting healthy… I even did a mini workout earlier this week to motivate me to get ready to do regular workouts again.  I got all of the Christmas decorations put away, I caught up on laundry, I cooked dinner for several nights in a row.

And then I woke up sick again.  ANOTHER stomach flu, worse than the first one.  I had to walk around bent in half, among other lovely symptoms I won’t scandalize you with.  My husband was at work and all I could do was lay on the living room floor while my daughter played around me in a tornado of toys I was too weak to pick up.  I managed to feed her and get her down for a nap, then hobbled to my bed and called my husband.  THANK GOD Claire decided it was a good day for a 3.5 hour nap, because I was immobile.  Sean still wan’t home when she woke so I had to hobble to her room, change her diaper and feed her again, still bent in half.

Anyway, before the evening was over I had thrown up and felt much better, but I still couldn’t quite make it out of bed.  I was so frustrated with being sick!  I only really get a bad cold about once per year, and in these last two weeks I had the stomach flu, a bad cold, and then another stomach flu!  Way to kick a girl when she’s down, world!  I blame Florida.

I’m just convinced it’s this shitty state’s fault.  It can sense that I’m miserable here, and now it’s twisting the knife in my side a bit more.  Yesterday when I was feeling much more myself, I told Sean I just had to get out of the house, so we decided to go walk on the beach… Immediately upon exiting our house to walk to the car, the putrid waft of the paper mill made its way to my senses, and I felt myself turning green again.  I don’t know what I’m going to do about that smell, it is simply disgusting.  I don’t understand how people just go about their lives when that smell comes around (which is often)!  Then again, I don’t know how people say they “love it here,” and call it “paradise.”  Psshhh.  Not to sound haughty, but I’ve lived in France, Hawaii and the Pacific Northwest.  If this is your “paradise,” you really need to get out more.

A fellow Navy wife I recently met, who is also new here, was posting on Facebook about how much she is enjoying Florida, after I had seen an earlier post of hers about how depressed she was due to the lack of Winter… The new post showed her playing in the sunshine talking about how much she “loved it here so far,” and all I could think was, someone is trying way too hard.  Not to be rude, because to a certain extent that means she has a better outlook than me.  At least she’s trying!  Fake it till you make it, amiright?

I just can’t fake it yet.  I’m the kind of person who needs to get out of the house most days, or I go stir crazy.  But lately I have had almost zero desire to go anywhere.  Mostly because I’ve been too sick to want to leave the house, but also because where would I go?  What can I do that’s entertaining yet free?  (We are on a strict budget this month.  Moving’s expensive.)  My pessimistic mind thinks that everything sucks or stinks (literally) around here, so why would I want to go anywhere?

Sorry to be such a Negative Nancy.  I’m actually feeling a lot better today: I went on a nice trip to Target with my little one, who was a good girl and let me shop in relative peace, came home and bleached the hell out of the bathroom and still had time to write this post while the baby naps.  I guess I just needed to vent my frustrations of the last week.  This blog is a journey that begins with my new journey in the South, and I need to be honest otherwise it’s not therapeutic.  So there’s my dish of honesty for ya: The South; not a fan so far.

And all I can think is, it’s 77 degrees today, in January, and it’s only going to get so much hotter and more humid.  Help.

Which is why I’m making plans to make my home an oasis from the South.  A place I can be among my things and my family and pretend I don’t live where I live, until I decide I’m ok with living here, if that happens.  I will be documenting these projects on this blog, so stay tuned, if you don’t mind the sarcastic anecdotes.

If it helps, I feel a little better after writing that.  Happy weekend!  Maybe we’ll finally get the Christmas lights down tomorrow…



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